Top 16 Worst selflies

OR, when I saw this video parody, I didn’t stop taking instagram photos

Posted by Krissy Moore

• http://www.dailyhiit.com/hiit-blog/hiit-life/selfie-addiction-top-16-worst-types-selfies/

I have to be honest with you. RIGHT before I read this post, I had just taken a selfie of my 32 week pregnant belly(#11), standing with my kid (#7), right after working out (#1).
I have a love/hate relationship with the ‘selfie’. It reminds me of how I used to feel about texting. I thought it was the most annoying thing one could do, and I vowed I NEVER would do it. These days, TRY and get me on the phone. It’s impossible. If you can’t tell me in a text, then you are waiting a LONG time for a response. It’s just the way my life is these days. Too busy and too much going on, so I turn to texting to communicate quickly. Just as the ‘selfie’ allows me to post photos of myself to friends and family who may be remotely interested, and/or following me on my FB page.

As I mentioned, I had just came back working out, and was about to post said ‘selfie’, on my Facebook page, when I came across the article below. Listen, am I going to stop taking selflies? No. Just like when I came across this ‘someecard’ online, I didn’t stop posting about my workouts, but STILL gave me a pretty damn good laugh.It’s JUST SO FUNNY to bring to light things we do all the time and don’t think for a second, others MAY find it annoying or ridiculous. It’s the age in which we live. With all this technology, we are each given the opportunity to offer others a glimpse into our lives, no matter how boring or exciting they are. We used to be able to just take the photos. But now, with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Myspace etc. it makes it that much easier to share these photos so instantly, that sometimes it’s just so hard to pass up! It’s harmless. But, when you come across a post like this, it’s a reminder of just how funny and/or stupid some of these so called ‘selfies’ come off.

I present the Top 16 Worst selflies out there….

Reposted from : http://wittyandpretty.com/2013/11/01/the-16-worst-types-of-selfies/ 

1. The Gym Selfie (Because the checkin isn’t enough.)


2. The Pet Selfie (If you want to post a picture of your pet, post a picture of your pet.)

Unless this happens, then it’s ok:

3. The Car Selfie AKA The Seatbelt Selfie (You LITERALLY got in the car and thought, “I look so good today, I better let everyone know before I put this thing in drive and head to my shift at the Olive Garden.”)



If you can combine the Seatbelt Selfie with the beloved Shirtless Selfie like this unattractive fella below, you..are…GOLD.

4. The Blurry Selfie (Why?)

5. The Just Woke Up Selfie

Yeah right you just woke up.

6. Or even worse, the Pretending to Be Asleep Selfie. (We know you’re not asleep, asshole. You took the damn picture.)

7. The Add a Kid Selfie (Extra points for a C-section scar.)


8. The Hospital Selfie (A rare gem. The more tubes you have hooked up to you, the better.)


9. The “I’m On Drugs” Selfie (This looker below also qualifies as theLook At My New Haircut Selfie.)

10. The Duck Face Selfie (Hey girls. This doesn’t make you prettier. It makes you look stupid and desperate. If that’s what you’re going for, carry on.)



11. The Pregnant Belly Selfie (Send this to your family and friends, not the entire Internet.)

And yes, that’s a pregnant belly duck face selfie. It’s the unicorn of awful selfies.
12. The “I’m a Gigantic Whore” Selfie

Nice phone case, by the way.

13. The “I Have Enough Money to Fly On an Airplane” Selfie (AND I own earbuds.)

14. The 3D Selfie. (It takes talent…along with class.)


15. The Say Something That Has Nothing To Do With Anything Selfie(You had a great night? Oh.)


16. The “I Live In Filth” Selfie (We all make messes, but if you’re going to post your living quarters on the World Wide Web, pick up your damn room.)

There are so many more, but I’m running out of time on my prepaid Wi-Fi at the Internet cafe and I still have to check Youporn and Friendster. In conclusion: If there’s really something on your face or body you HAVE to share (Halloween makeup/costume, fine, whatever), and there is no one around to take a photo, then society will let you slide, but other than that, please try to refrain from letting the world know you think you’re hot in the most douchetastic of ways. And remember, friends don’t let friends selfie.
I miss flip phones,
Selfie Tom
*Photos 12, 14 & 15 from TheChive.com

AN EAGLE KISS

AN EAGLE KISS  

This is the kind of story you need,

When it seems like the world is spiraling out of control…

 

Not many people get a picture of this proud bird,
Snuggled up next to them!

FREEDOM AND JEFF

Freedom and I have been together 11 years this summer.
She came in as a baby in 1998 with two broken wings.
Her left wing doesn't open all the way even after surgery;
It was broken in 4 places. She's my baby.

When Freedom came in she could not stand
and both wings were broken.

She was emaciated and covered in lice.

We made the decision to give her a chance at life,

So I took her to the vet's office.

From then on, I was always around her.

We had her in a huge dog carrier with the top off,

and it was loaded up with shredded newspaper,  for her to lay in.

I used to sit and talk to her; Urging her to live, to fight;

and she would lay there looking at me, with those big brown eyes.
We also had to tube feed her for weeks.

This went on for 4-6 weeks, and by then she still couldn't stand.

It got to the point where the decision was made,

to euthanize her, if she couldn't stand in a week.

You know you don't want to cross that line;

Between torture and rehab, and it looked like death was winning.

She was going to be put down that Friday,

and I was supposed to come in on that Thursday afternoon.

I didn't want to go to the center that Thursday;

Because I couldn't bear the thought of her being euthanized;
But, I went anyway,and when I walked in,

everyone was grinning from ear to ear.

I went immediately back to her cage; and there she was,
standing on her own, a big beautiful eagle.

She was ready to live. I was just about in tears by then.

That was a very good day. We knew she could never fly;

So the director asked me to glove train her.
I got her used to the glove, and then to jesses,

and we started doing education programs, 

for schools in western Washington .
We wound up in the newspapers,
radio (believe it or not) and some TV.

'Miracle Pets' even did a show about us.
In the spring of 2000, I was diagnosed

with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

I had stage 3; Which is not good

(one major organ plus everywhere);

So I wound up doing 8 months of chemo.

Lost the hair - the whole bit. I missed a lot of work.

When I felt good enough,

I would go to Sarvey and take Freedom out for walks.

Freedom would also come to me in my dreams,

and help me fight the cancer.

This happened time and time again.
Fast forward to November 2000.
The day after Thanksgiving, I went in for my last checkup.
I was told that if the cancer was not all gone,

after 8 rounds of chemo;

Then my last option was a stem cell transplant.

Anyway, they did the tests;

and I had to come back Monday for the results.

I went in Monday, and I was told that,

ALL THE CANCER WAS GONE.

                                                   So the first thing I did was get up to Sarvey,

and take the big girl out for a walk.

It was misty and cold.

I went to her flight and jessed her up,

and we went out front to the top of the hill.

I hadn't said a word to Freedom;

But somehow she knew.

She looked at me and wrapped both her wings around me,

to where I could feel them pressing in on my back,
(I was engulfed in eagle wings),

and she touched my nose with her beak,

and stared into my eyes,

and we just stood there like that for I don't know how long.

That was a magic moment.

We have been soul mates ever since she came in.

This is a very special bird.On a side note:

I have had people who were sick,

come up to us when we are out,

and Freedom has some kind of hold on them.

I once had a guy who was terminal come up to us,

and I let him hold her.
His knees just about buckled,

and he swore he could feel her power course through his body.

I have so many stories like that...
I never forget the honor I have of being so close
to such a magnificent spirit as Freedom.
Hope you enjoyed this!

A SMALL REQUEST..

93% won't forward; But I'm Sure You Will.
A small request.. Just one line...

All you are asked to do is keep this circulating.
Even if it's only to one more person.
In memory of anyone you know,

Who has been struck down by cancer,

Or is still living with it,

Or just someone who enjoys a GREAT STORY!

Make Your Friendship Last

Make Your Friendship Last

Learn to forgive. If you want your friendship to last, then you should be able to forgive your friend and to move forward. If you hold a grudge and let your bitterness and resentment build up, then you won't be able to move forward. Recognize that nobody's perfect and that if your friend is sincerely sorry and that if he or she didn't do something too horrible, that you should move past it.

• If your friend really did do something so unforgivable that you just can't get past it, then it's better to move on than to try to save the friendship when it's doomed. But this should happen very rarely.
• If you're angry at your friend but haven't told him or her why, you'll never be able to forgive him if you don't talk about it.

Accept your friend for who he or she is. To make your friendship thrive, you shouldn't try to change your friend or make your friend see the world from your perspective. If you're conservative and your friend is liberal, then accept that instead of trying to argue about it all the time. You should appreciate the fresh perspective your friend can bring to your experiences instead of wanting your friend to see everything from your perspective.

The more you are with one another, the less you idealize each other and the more you accept one another for who you really are. This is what being a truly good friend is really about –- caring deeply for each other, even if you know you're both full of flaws.

Go beyond the call of duty. A friend will wait while you do your homework. A great friend stays up all night helping. Remember that if you are a good friend, people want to be a good friend to you. Recognize the moments when you need to go above and beyond to help your friend and know that this will make your friendship grow, and that your friend will do the same for you in return.

 If your friend really needs you and keeps saying, "No, you don't have to do that..." learn to read between the lines and know that your friend really does need you.

 Stay in touch no matter what. As the years pass, people tend to grow apart. Maybe you and a friend will move to different places and only see each other every once in awhile. Sometimes years may elapse without much contact. If you never stop caring about your friend, speak up. He or she will be happy to hear from you. You were friends for a reason in the past, and you may find the same bond still ties you together.

• Don't let your location determine the strength of your bond. If your friendship is meaningful, then it should keep growing even if you're an ocean apart.
• Make a goal of having monthly phone or Skype dates with your friend even if you're in a completely different time zone. If keeping up with your friend becomes a routine, your relationship will continue to thrive.

 Let your friendship evolve. If you want to be a good friend, then you have to understand that your friendship won't be the same in high school, college, or in the adult world. Sure, when you were fourteen, you might have spent all of your time with your best friend, but by the time you went off to separate colleges or started your serious relationships, you naturally spent less time talking. This doesn't mean that your friendship isn't as strong; it just means that your lives are evolving, and your friendship is taking on a different shape over the years.

• Don't try to make your friendship be exactly the same as it was ten years ago. Think of it as elastic, not solid.
• If your friend is married with two kids or even just in a serious relationship and you're not, be respectful of the fact that, while your friend really cares for you, she won't be on call 24/7 like she used to be.
• Appreciate the changes your friendship has made over the years, and learn to grow along with your relationship.

 http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Friend

Japanese Dolls

Beware, when take photos from mobile phones

"Warning" If you, your kids or
        grand kids take pics from your phone---WATCH THIS! This is truly
        alarming - please take the time to watch. At the end they'll tell you
        how to set your phone so you don't run this risk!

PLEASE PASS THIS INFO
        TO ANYONE YOU KNOW WHO TAKES PICTURES WITH THEIR CELL OR SMART PHONE AND
        POSTS THEM ONLINE.

 

 I want everyone of you to watch this and then be sure
        to share with all your family and friends. It's REALLY important
        info, about what your posting things on your cell phones can do TO
        YOU!!! Too much technology out there these days so
        beware...........

 

PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO WATCH THIS VIDEO, AND TAKE THE
        RECOMMENDED PRECAUTIONS.

 

If you have children or grandchildren you NEED
        to watch this.

 

I had no idea this could happen from taking pictures on the blackberry or cell phone. It's scary."

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/embed/N2vARzvWxwY?rel=0"

Adult Dirty Jokes

Adult Dirty Jokes About Women

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails.
Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril,and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He was gourgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle,unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman,and whispers: "Iron

---

A man was in a doctors office and the doctor walked in and said, ok what do you need today sir. The man pulled down his pants and showed the doctor his beat up, bruised, and bleading penis. The doctor said, damn how did you do that? The man said well I live in a trailor, and every night I have noticed that the woman in the trailor next to mine at exactally 9:00pm, she moves her rug where there is a hole in the floor, she sticks a hot dog in the hole and masterbates with it. So one day I got an idea at 8:45pm I would go under her trailor and when she put the hot dog in the hole I would pull it out and stick my penis in the hole. So that night I did, and it was going great untill someone knocked on the door and she tried to kick it under the oven!

---

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding." "Can I see your driver's license?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there." "Can I see your registration please?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. He's stark naked and has an erection!
The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no-not the Breathalyzer again!"

---

Word started getting out about Snow White's mirror and people really started getting the idea of wanting to inquire of the mirror themselves.
Sleeping Beauty wanted to know if she really was the most beautiful of all.
Tom Thumb wanted to make sure he really was the smallest person.
Quasimodo wanted to know that he was the ugliest. So they each went before the mirror.
As Sleeping Beauty was leaving she said "Oh, I really *am* the most beautiful of all!"
As Tom Thumb left he was quite pleased to know that he is indeed the smallest of all.
As Quasimodo left, he exclaimed "Who the heck is Janet Reno?"

---

A young girl walks in on her parents having sex. She asks,
"Mum, what are you doing to Dad?"
Mum replies, "I was just letting the air out of him - he's too fat."
The little girl replies, "Why, the lady next door is just going to blow him up again."

---

A woman orders a chicken sandwhich and starts to choke. People are running frantically, trying to figure out what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner wisper to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass.
Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two homosexuals return to their food.
One turns to the other and says, "Wow, that hind-lick manuever really works!"

Beautiful hunks

I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!

I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

The Queen's Movement

The Queen's Movement Queen Movement Queen's Movement Diagram

The queen is, without a doubt, the most powerful piece on the chessboard. She can move as many squares as she desires and in any direction (barring any obstructions). In the diagram on the left, the blue dots indicate to which squares this particular queen may move. As you can see, she can cover 27 squares. This is a healthy percentage of the board, 42 percent. This is twice as much as the a rook. (However, performance will vary depending on the queen's position.) She captures in the same way that she moves, replacing the unlucky opposing piece that get in her way. (She must, of course, stop in the square of the piece she has captured - unlike the knight the queen may not jump other pieces.) The queen's power is so great that she is considered to be worth more than any combination of two other pieces (with the exception of two rooks). Thus it would be better, under normal circumstances, to sacrifice a rook and a bishop (for example) than to give up a queen. Strategy Note: The queen's power also makes her too valuable to casually risk. Against skilled players, the loss of the queen is nearly equal to losing the game. For this reason, it is generally thought to be unwise to bring the queen out too early. The cluttered board makes her more vulnerable to entrapment. http://www.learnchessrules.com/queens.htm

coconut pick up lines

Coconut Pick Up Lines

Hey, you have a lovely bunch of coconuts.
They say coconuts don't fall far from the tree, so that must mean your mom has big boobs too!

Like the hurricane said to the coconut tree;
hold on to your nuts

I'm gonna give you the blow of your life

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/foodjokes/coconutjokes.html

First Love

George Bernard ShawFirst love is a little foolish and a lot of curiosity.

Branislav NusicFirst love is dangerous only when it is also the last.

Rosemary RogersFirst romance, first love, is something so special to all of us, both emotionally and physically, that it touches our lives and enriches them forever.

Benjamin DisraeliThe magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end.

Thomas MooreNo, there's nothing half so sweet in life as love's young dream.

Alfred Lord TennysonIn the spring a livlier iris changes on the burnished dove;
In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.

Leo BuscagliaLove is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly, and without expectation... We don't love to be loved; we love to love.

Blaise PascalWe conceal it from ourselves in vain: we must always love something. In those matters seemingly removed from love, the feeling is secretly to be found, and man cannot possibly live for a moment without it.

NietzscheLove is the state in which man sees things; most widely different from what they are.

William ShakespeareAs sweet and musical
As bright Apollo's lute, strung with his hair;
And when Love speaks, the voice of all the gods
Makes heaven drowsy with the harmony.

Lady Murasaki The memories of long love gather like drifting snow, poignant as the mandarin ducks who float side by side in sleep.

Leo BuscagliaThe heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival.

Richard GarnettSweet are the words of love, sweeter his thoughts:
Sweetest of all what love nor says nor thinks.

Bayard TaylorThe loving are the daring.

Francois MauriacNo love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.

Alexander SmithLove is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.

Stop to Think

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:
'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.'

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

 'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion.

 Well, I guess this is it.

 He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died.

 He turned to me and said:

 'Never save something for a special occasion.

 Every day in your  life is a special occasion'.

 I still think those words changed my life.

 Now I read more and clean less.

 I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

 I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

 I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through.

 I no longer keep anything.

  I use crystal glasses every day...

 I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.

 I don't save my special> perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to.

 The words 'Someday....' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary.
 If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now....

 I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell...

 I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. 

I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food.

It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come..

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.
Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one..

I Just Want To Disappear

I Just Want To Disappear

The 9 habits of successful women

Pamela Patterson

Continue reading on Examiner.com The 9 habits of successful women - Portland Women's Issues | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/women-s-issues-in-portland/the-9-habits-of-successful-women#ixzz1sBawrgcT

Whether you work inside or outside of the home, or as a PTA member or community organizer, all successful women posses a combination of hard work, education and/ or expertise, the right attitude, and demonstrate the right behaviors. A woman's attributes, if strategically applied, can make her powerful within her circle of influence.
"As founder and chairman emeritus of Mary Kay Cosmetics, I've received quite a bit of publicity, and now when I have something to say, people seem to listen. It's not that I am saying anything different from what I have said all of my life, but apparently, once a person achieves success, what he or she has to say becomes important."       - Mary Kay Ash http://www.answers.com/topic/mary-kay-ash
Successful women are willing to take a leadership role. Taking on tasks/ responsibilities that others will not, establishes your reputation of being the "go to" girl, and makes you a valuable team member (Brown). Taking a leadership role will get the attention of everyone working with you, because you are doing things that help to make their jobs easier, and to make their overall experience more positive. It is not about kissing up, or trying to win a popularity contest, but more or less managing your relationships by being part of the solution, and not part of the problem.
Successful women build and utilize their network of people. Statistics show that women tend to only network with women who look like them (Brown). When it comes to opportunities for advancement, you have to be willing to go outside of your social demographic to get ahead, so step outside of your comfort zone.
Successful women establish their brand, or reputation. Your brand, is what people have to say about you, when you are not around; it is not necessarily whether or not they like your personality, or things about you (Brown). Being well liked by others is very subjective, and there will always be those who will sing your praises, and those who will decide not to like you for various reasons. Your reputation for being good at what you do, or being the kind of woman who can get things done, is what you should invest in. If you know yourself, and what personalities are more comparable with yours, then you should be able to avoid conflicts with others, and remember that you can catch more flies with honey.
Successful women think in terms of the "big picture". There are stepping stone type roles that you may be asked to take on; do not consider them demeaning, or beneath you, if they will lead to a more desirable position, or prepare you for better things.
Successful women continue to better themselves. Never stop learning; take advantage of every opportunity to enhance your skills, and/ or education. Read publications on the latest trends or techniques in your area of work. Study the women you admire, and find out what they did to get to where they are, and ask them for advice or tips (Brown).
Successful women are willing to put themselves out there. Get noticed by spearheading a committee or project, or champion a fundraiser for your favorite charity. Form strong alliances with people who can recommend you for more high-visibility type tasks in the future. Keep divisive people who try to undermine you, or tarnish your reputation, in plain sight at all times. Your diplomacy and overall political skills will help you to circumvent their hindrances; use your allies to help shut down their efforts (Brown).
Successful women never behave like divas. Be polite to everyone, from the janitor and cleaning crew, to the CEO. Always be mindful of how you treat others, because there may come a day when you will need their services or help; humility will carry you far in life (Brown).
Successful women are not afraid to let others shine. Not only do true leaders know how to follow, but they do not worry about being upstaged by someone else. Show your gratitude for being able to bask in the sun, by allowing others the opportunity to do the same, and be a mentor (Brown).
Successful women are highly adaptable, and make lemonade out of lemons."When I was fifteen, I won the Western Pennsylvania High School Impromptu Speech Contest, which meant that I would travel to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania to compete. Upon arriving at our hotel, the staff advised my teacher that they did not realize that I was a Negro girl, and that they could not allow me to stay in their hotel. I remembered my mother's advice to me, which was to hold myself together, no matter what happened."      - Dorothy Height http://www.answers.com/topic/dorothy-height

Continue reading on Examiner.com The 9 habits of successful women - Portland Women's Issues | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/women-s-issues-in-portland/the-9-habits-of-successful-women#ixzz1sBasmOKs